- My future in-laws torment my every waking moment, and I can't return the favor as I should. That is, with bamboo and a hammer.
- My own parents annoy the hell out of me and I don't know how to make a car bomb.
- Even if we unfucked the education system, people would still choose to be dumb.
- Garth Nix is published and I am not.
- The guy who directed The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is remaking The Crow.
- The food service industry.
- The continued breathing of many, many celebrities.
- The continued breathing of many non-celebrities, including Glen Beck (not a celebrity, which is a type of human).
- My non-existent readership (especially after alienating over half of it with the car bomb comment).
White: can now pretend to compete with Black!
This sensible approach, though, is frowned upon by the White House. It's not that Barack feels threatened by the idea of a Congress with the confidence of knowing their interns will actually be able to tell they are being sexually harassed, and not just being asked to check the paper tray on the copy machine. He just wants to keep the cracker Senate in its place. It's kind of like what Andrew Jackson did with internal improvements, only with boner pills.
Anyway, to get back on track, that would be the smart thing to do, but would make too much sense and make Capital Hill implode or something. So, the President proposed this crazy idea of offering a government option, so people could get affordable health insurance from the US of A. Republicans were quick to point out, though, that this solution works about as well as fixing a flat tire by adequately patching up the hole and repairing the tread so as to prevent further air leaks and blowouts. The right has raised such poignant criticisms as, "Will our old people be killed with guns, or is our slow neglect of social security problems enough?" "Will universal health care preclude me, despite my living in this universe?" "Is everyone on the left a fagot?" The answers to these questions are, of course, "case by case basis," "the health care is in a different plane of reality" and "some of us are bi."
So, I've polled a representative sample of intelligent dissenters (here defined as "1") and asked them, "Well how would you do it then, Mr. Smartypants?" While Mr. Smartypants, who prefers to be called "Dave," gave an answer that smacked of the intelligence his master's in economics should afford a person, his answer was not funny and won't be recounted. I will, instead, tell you what I think the right would rather do.
I'm pretty sure the right doesn't want the government option because it would increase their taxes. While suitable health care is a privilege, much like education and food, even the right recognizes that there must be a way to save face with the world on this one. Remember, that's the world where every civilized nation except for America has universal health care. Man, it sucks to stand alone next the the river of truth.
Pictured: American Foreign Policy
Anyway, to get back on track, that would be the smart thing to do, but would make too much sense and make Capital Hill implode or something. So, the President proposed this crazy idea of offering a government option, so people could get affordable health insurance from the US of A. Republicans were quick to point out, though, that this solution works about as well as fixing a flat tire by adequately patching up the hole and repairing the tread so as to prevent further air leaks and blowouts. The right has raised such poignant criticisms as, "Will our old people be killed with guns, or is our slow neglect of social security problems enough?" "Will universal health care preclude me, despite my living in this universe?" "Is everyone on the left a fagot?" The answers to these questions are, of course, "case by case basis," "the health care is in a different plane of reality" and "some of us are bi."
So, I've polled a representative sample of intelligent dissenters (here defined as "1") and asked them, "Well how would you do it then, Mr. Smartypants?" While Mr. Smartypants, who prefers to be called "Dave," gave an answer that smacked of the intelligence his master's in economics should afford a person, his answer was not funny and won't be recounted. I will, instead, tell you what I think the right would rather do.
I'm pretty sure the right doesn't want the government option because it would increase their taxes. While suitable health care is a privilege, much like education and food, even the right recognizes that there must be a way to save face with the world on this one. Remember, that's the world where every civilized nation except for America has universal health care. Man, it sucks to stand alone next the the river of truth.
Pictured: American Foreign Policy
So the logical thing is to do away with taxes. Taxes are always the problem. Ask any rich person. I know I'm always sick of the poor eating free food at soup kitchens and having finger-cut gloves and all the other things I've always wanted. Those bastards. So, we should get rid of taxes because government uses them to help poor people. Yeah. This makes sense.
If you're asking questions about roads, schools and the Department of Defense, remember, the wealthy can afford Hummers, tutors and security systems. You are a damn leech for wanting these things for a percentage of your income.
The other heinous thing is the public option, and thank God we dodged this bullet, would force the privately insured into spontaneously switching their coverage against their will, because that's what an option is: a compulsory stipulation. The alternative is to do the right thing and make sure everyone who can afford health care gets affordable insurance and the rest of us get HMOs, because we deserve options; options chosen by other people.
Speaking of, that was one of the big gripes: bureaucrats in charge of your health care, standing between you and your doctor. Never mind that there are bureaucrats at hospitals, HMOs, private health insurance companies and just about everywhere else who form a Berlin Wall with Tesla coils designed to keep kids with leukemia from the West Germany of treatment. The right makes the logical argument that bureaucrats are fine for running your government, just not deciding a person with cancer needs medicine they can actually pay for somehow. Stupid bureaucrats.
So the way to fix this, I guess (because I have no idea) the right would suggest putting someone who isn't an administrator of any kind in charge of administrations. And you know who isn't an administrator, but is a doctor and knows a lot about health care? Spider-Man villain The Lizard.
Here you can see the Lizard keeping the Webbed bean counter from putting his feet of unjust politics on a boy. Or something.
If you're asking questions about roads, schools and the Department of Defense, remember, the wealthy can afford Hummers, tutors and security systems. You are a damn leech for wanting these things for a percentage of your income.
The other heinous thing is the public option, and thank God we dodged this bullet, would force the privately insured into spontaneously switching their coverage against their will, because that's what an option is: a compulsory stipulation. The alternative is to do the right thing and make sure everyone who can afford health care gets affordable insurance and the rest of us get HMOs, because we deserve options; options chosen by other people.
Speaking of, that was one of the big gripes: bureaucrats in charge of your health care, standing between you and your doctor. Never mind that there are bureaucrats at hospitals, HMOs, private health insurance companies and just about everywhere else who form a Berlin Wall with Tesla coils designed to keep kids with leukemia from the West Germany of treatment. The right makes the logical argument that bureaucrats are fine for running your government, just not deciding a person with cancer needs medicine they can actually pay for somehow. Stupid bureaucrats.
So the way to fix this, I guess (because I have no idea) the right would suggest putting someone who isn't an administrator of any kind in charge of administrations. And you know who isn't an administrator, but is a doctor and knows a lot about health care? Spider-Man villain The Lizard.
Here you can see the Lizard keeping the Webbed bean counter from putting his feet of unjust politics on a boy. Or something.
Yes, Lizard would be the most valuable member of the pansy, liberal cabinet of Obama's, full of people wanting to do good and help the less fortunate. He would provide the stabalizing force of being albe to eat the others, which is what Republicans know we need in our government.
Which brings me to "death panels." This is something Palin said, and since she's so sharp, I won't question her remarks. All I'll say is, giving a person the choice to undergo grueling procedures or enjoy the time they have left in the company of their loved ones is the same as taking a page from the Soylent Green catalog. We are just this close folks, THIS CLOSE, to becoming a socialist nightmare and NRA president Heston is not here to help us now.
And Heaven knows we need him now more than ever.
-Black Ranger (is happy to have SDIA, the super-immuno disease)
Which brings me to "death panels." This is something Palin said, and since she's so sharp, I won't question her remarks. All I'll say is, giving a person the choice to undergo grueling procedures or enjoy the time they have left in the company of their loved ones is the same as taking a page from the Soylent Green catalog. We are just this close folks, THIS CLOSE, to becoming a socialist nightmare and NRA president Heston is not here to help us now.
And Heaven knows we need him now more than ever.
-Black Ranger (is happy to have SDIA, the super-immuno disease)
