So I wondered when all this malaise of our once gumption-infused national spirit. I considered the advancements of entertainment media, the sociological faux paz of intellectualism, the proliferation of fatty fast food, a culture rushing around to do nothing, making such a diet attractive. Many of our schools barely have PE, escalators are in McDonald's, "meh" is a rallying cry. I wondered if these were the cause of our doldrums, or merely symptoms. I wanted to know when, if any point or series thereof could be held responsible, we Americans became objects to ourselves.
And, like anyone interested in American history, I looked at this overwheming harem of vaguely tactile trends, considered what and how they are and, realizing I just wanted to play Call of Duty 4, blamed it on Vietnam.
Then, coming back from my game of US Super-Marines of Righteousness v. Dirty, Filthy Hadji OpFor, I sat down to do a little more research and write this article. It was at this point I realized the problem was not Vietnam. 'Nam proved to America that hard work, dedication and criminal defoliates will not always show you right and get you ahead and that, if that's the case, there's no use trying. I mean, if burning an entire country with jellied gasoline that seems to stick to kids especially well, tree-killing chemicals that would make Grand Moff Tarkin blush with their severity and enough VDs that the VCs would have to get some sort of burning urine syndrome, well, what can we believe in anymore? So, yes, we learned not to believe in Vietnam, but we did not learn to not care in that particular hellhole.
Actually, we stopped caring in Korea. I know that doesn't seem likely, as we won the Korean war, but did you know we actually won two Korean Wars? Look it up! you'll find that there was a series of incidents taking place after M*A*S*H* (because all your history is from TV and movies)
Did you know John Adams liked wine and shooting at Clive Owen?
in which there were some altercations between the Democratic (ha) People's (Ha HA!) Republic (now you're just being silly) of Korea. This unpleasantness includes us losing a whole freaking battleship.
That's right. On January 23 1968, in contested waters off the coast of the DPRK, North Korean sailors boarded and captured the USS Pueblo. Guess what the US did.
A) Bombed a country already more pockmarked than Richard Belzer into a quivering submission?
B) Promised them that "A" would not happen if the Pueblo was peacably returned, then do it anyway.
C) Goddamn nothing.
If you guessed "C," you are a cynical bastard. Which, incidentally, also makes you correct.
That's right. We did nothing. Just to put that in contrast, when the SS Mayaguez was captured in 1975, shit went down.
The merchant vessel Mayaguez was in Cambodian-claimed international waters (don't mind that). Coasting along in these calm seas, they noticed a number of US swift boats approaching. These boats were left (see!) by America after the Vietnam War and appropriated by the Khmer Rouge. If you don't know anything about Khmer Rouge, look it up or take my word for it that it's the holocaust of Southeast Asia, except replace "Jews" with "college-educated citizens." Anyway, the crew of the Mayaguez was taken to the mainland for questioning.
The April before, in a Washington Post interview by Tom Braden, Secretary of State Henry Kissinger had said, "The U.S. must carry out some act somewhere in the world which shows its determination to continue to be a world power." This can be translated as, "Come on. Give us an excuse. Not that, you know, we need one."
So, of course, America lowered the boom, something akin to Thor's hammer slamming into Pol Pot's skull.
Iron Man is only slightly less facistic than Asia's Hitler.
That's right. On January 23 1968, in contested waters off the coast of the DPRK, North Korean sailors boarded and captured the USS Pueblo. Guess what the US did.
A) Bombed a country already more pockmarked than Richard Belzer into a quivering submission?
B) Promised them that "A" would not happen if the Pueblo was peacably returned, then do it anyway.
C) Goddamn nothing.
If you guessed "C," you are a cynical bastard. Which, incidentally, also makes you correct.
That's right. We did nothing. Just to put that in contrast, when the SS Mayaguez was captured in 1975, shit went down.
The merchant vessel Mayaguez was in Cambodian-claimed international waters (don't mind that). Coasting along in these calm seas, they noticed a number of US swift boats approaching. These boats were left (see!) by America after the Vietnam War and appropriated by the Khmer Rouge. If you don't know anything about Khmer Rouge, look it up or take my word for it that it's the holocaust of Southeast Asia, except replace "Jews" with "college-educated citizens." Anyway, the crew of the Mayaguez was taken to the mainland for questioning.
The April before, in a Washington Post interview by Tom Braden, Secretary of State Henry Kissinger had said, "The U.S. must carry out some act somewhere in the world which shows its determination to continue to be a world power." This can be translated as, "Come on. Give us an excuse. Not that, you know, we need one."
So, of course, America lowered the boom, something akin to Thor's hammer slamming into Pol Pot's skull.
Iron Man is only slightly less facistic than Asia's Hitler.
We went in there and tore those Cambodians apart so well, they didn't even know what hit them! In fact, we weren't sure we hit them! See, the whole thing wasn't planned. The American sailors were fine, and were going to be released unharmed, but we can't let things like facts get in the way.
Or policies, for that matter. The Marines have a saying, "No man left behind." That is a Marine slogan, for Marines. It is not a Navy slogan, so they went ahead and left some Marines behind. Those Marines names are on the Vietnam Memorial because they, I guess, died during the Vietnam War... in Cambodia.
On the other hand, one could consider the USS Liberty incident, in which, during Israel's Six Day War, they bombed the hell out of a US battleship in international waters. Pop quiz.
America responded to the attack on Liberty by:
A) Dropping the big one on Tel Aviv.
B) Negotiating with understanding of the likelihood of friendly fire and coming to a monetary agreement.
C) Become Israel's bitch.
Now, I'm by no means anit-Israel, but you can guess where this is going.
If you compare all these things, you'll see that America just will not clean up its room (the whole world). They leave their toys lying about, and when those playthings are stepped on, America just says, "it's okay. We'll get another." Even when we do go to the effort, we screw it up so badly it defies time (the Vietnam War was rather over) and space (and wasn't supposed to be in Cambodia).
Hell, North Korea has even offered to give the freakin' Pueblo back. All we had to do was go talk to them. It's almost as if America hit a ball into the neighbor's yard and the neighbor says, "look, just have the fat, ugly kid come over here and say you wouldn't mind having the ball back and it's yours."
That kid.
Or policies, for that matter. The Marines have a saying, "No man left behind." That is a Marine slogan, for Marines. It is not a Navy slogan, so they went ahead and left some Marines behind. Those Marines names are on the Vietnam Memorial because they, I guess, died during the Vietnam War... in Cambodia.
On the other hand, one could consider the USS Liberty incident, in which, during Israel's Six Day War, they bombed the hell out of a US battleship in international waters. Pop quiz.
America responded to the attack on Liberty by:
A) Dropping the big one on Tel Aviv.
B) Negotiating with understanding of the likelihood of friendly fire and coming to a monetary agreement.
C) Become Israel's bitch.
Now, I'm by no means anit-Israel, but you can guess where this is going.
If you compare all these things, you'll see that America just will not clean up its room (the whole world). They leave their toys lying about, and when those playthings are stepped on, America just says, "it's okay. We'll get another." Even when we do go to the effort, we screw it up so badly it defies time (the Vietnam War was rather over) and space (and wasn't supposed to be in Cambodia).
Hell, North Korea has even offered to give the freakin' Pueblo back. All we had to do was go talk to them. It's almost as if America hit a ball into the neighbor's yard and the neighbor says, "look, just have the fat, ugly kid come over here and say you wouldn't mind having the ball back and it's yours."
That kid.
And we said, "no. Thanks." This might explain why we look so silly ot the rest of the world. We are buffoons.
Well I say "no more!" Since our government refuses to stop America from being a beacon of inanimate life, it is up to us, the people, to rouse our fellows to take what's ours. It is up to us to go to North Korea and take back the Pueblo, which is now an only moderatley-guarded museum. Moderately guarded for DPRK, anyway, which is like a lot of guards with assualt rifles, but we can do it! We can restore America's place in the world: the sole of the all-crushing boot. Let's animate, people.
Or, barring that, get up from your computer and take a walk, read a book, something. Me, I'm going to get my many automatic weapons and a ticket to North Korea.
-Black Ranger (can't be seen at night)
Well I say "no more!" Since our government refuses to stop America from being a beacon of inanimate life, it is up to us, the people, to rouse our fellows to take what's ours. It is up to us to go to North Korea and take back the Pueblo, which is now an only moderatley-guarded museum. Moderately guarded for DPRK, anyway, which is like a lot of guards with assualt rifles, but we can do it! We can restore America's place in the world: the sole of the all-crushing boot. Let's animate, people.
Or, barring that, get up from your computer and take a walk, read a book, something. Me, I'm going to get my many automatic weapons and a ticket to North Korea.
-Black Ranger (can't be seen at night)
